Sunday, December 22, 2013

Lost NOT Alone

         I AM LOST!
         The only thing that has been holding me together the last, nearly, two years is GOD.  Without Him I would have lost it, either gone insane or done something insane.  Living without Robert has been hell on earth.  This makes me realize that my life would be in chaos and out-of-control without God.
         Just imagine a life without God … it would be … … well … …well … I don’t even want to contemplate a life without GOD.  It would be far worse than hell on earth. It would be unendurable.  It is my greatest nightmare, my greatest fear.  Life without God would be untenable.
I am so glad that I don’t have to imagine it.  Ever since God held out His hand and took the hand of this little girl on those stone church steps 48 or 49 years ago, I have been clinging to Him and getting to know Him.  Our relationship has been problematic (on my side) at times, but HE has never ever (I know it is not grammatical) left me or let me down. 
I may be bewildered, confused, perplexed, abandoned, and fragile at this point, but the truth is, I AM NOT ALONE!!! My Heavenly Father is with me.  I am clinging to His hand, holding Him to His promises, and thankful for His PRESENCE in my life. I know that somewhere around the corner He has great plans for me.  My life may be shaken, but my Foundation is stable and secure.  I am wanted!  I am loved!  I am cherished!  I am blessed!
May God bless you and your family this Christmas season as you get together with your family, or as, if you are like me, you sit at home with, or without, pets; I hope you know too that God loves YOU!

Until next time, my Friends, follow your dreams

Saturday, December 21, 2013


               He went home to be with our Heavenly Father two years ago this coming February.  It seems like it was only yesterday.  Some days I feel like I am doing okay, but then other days are like today…
               The loneliness is debilitating.  I only accomplish anything by dent of will.  I just want to sleep or play mindless, time-wasting games.  I don’t want to go out.  I don’t want to talk to anyone.  Yet, I don’t want to be alone.  I call on my children way too often and when I do go out I still feel this endless, ceaseless, soul-numbing loneliness. 
               In the beginning I tried filling it with constant busyness.  I tried filling it with endless hours of unnecessary, mind-numbing shopping.  I went on a cruise and a non-stop sight-seeing, constant busy trip to St. Louis and New York City.  I have tried to immerse myself in reading and writing only to sit before a blank screen, only to read one paragraph over and over.  Then to end up sitting in front of my computer playing freecell,  solitaire, spider solitaire, and mahjong for hours and hours on end.
               At one point I became obsessed with a new thing called Pinterest.  I would spend up to eight hours a day on it, just surfing and finding things … things … things … not making any progress in anything.  Not accomplishing anything.  Not doing … anything. 
               It has been nearly two years and I still feel … … … LOST!
               Lord, in spite of all You have been to me, done for me, seen me through, I still feel … alone … lost … sad … empty.  I have finally begun to write.  I find solace and promise in that.  But I do it for You.  Because I love You.  Because I adore You.  Because I want to please You.  I have joy because of You … in You … from You.
               BUT I feel guilty because I am Your daughter and I should be moving ahead, getting on with my life and I feel like I am on some days.  On other days I feel terribly sad, emotional, moody.  On those days, I feel I have let You down.  My progress seems minute and I feel defeated.   I refuse to give up because I know there is the promise and possibility that I will get to share You through my writing serve You with my heart, my hands, my life, by serving others.
               Some days I wonder though, Heavenly Father, am I really going to make a difference.  Will I get to share You in Word, in deed, and in fact.  Or will I let You down with my pitiful efforts and constant setbacks.  Will I get any of Your books finished, let alone published?  Will I find a job to sustain me?  Am I capable of working a job?  Or am I too lazy, too weak, to unwilling?  Will the debilitating loneliness ever disappear?  Will the anguish ever ease?  Will the sorrow ever turn to joy?  Will I really make a difference for You or am I too lazy and self-centered to put You first? 
               It matters.  It matters to me because I love You so much and all I have done over the last, nearly two years, is make myself live and function and continue on to honor, glorify and share You.  It matters because I have to force myself to go out, to eat, to get things accomplished, to meet others, to leave my house, to continue on.  I do this for You while I wonder if it will ever change and life return to my heart, my soul, my life.  
               I honestly don’t know the answer to any of these questions.  Until I do, I will continue to do these things for You, in honor of You and Hope in You, because I know that no matter how dead and useless I feel, Your Word is my Sword and my defense and Your Word does not come back unfulfilled.  I know that You do have a plan and a future for me, a future of promise and for good.  So for now, I hold on to those promises and am thankful for another day with You in it, because YOU are my God, my Hope, my Future, and my Life.  I trust and believe in You and I give You my life to You to use for Your honor, glory, and Will.  I thank You for Your blessings, promises, and most of all Your Son. Amen.

Until next time, my Friends, follow your dreams

Friday, December 20, 2013




I Still Believe in
Miracles and Magic,
God and Santa Claus
~by~ T. Raceine Hobbs-York
You hear a lot of
     “Bah humbug’s”
     at this time of year.
A lot of “Here we go
     again,” and little
     Christmas cheer.
You hear a lot of
     groaning and some
     complaining too.
You hear a lot of
     negative, the
     positive is few.
But I get so excited
     when it’s time to
     deck the halls.
I fear, I must confess,
     I have myself
     a ball.
I look forward to
     the chaos of this
     busy time of year.
It brings out the child
     in me, and lots of
     Christmas cheer.
I love to sing Christmas
     carols about the
     newborn King.
And my heart swells
     with joy when I hear
     the choirs sing.
I love to hear the
     story about my
     Savior’s birth.
I am humbled by the
     miracle of God
     come down to earth.
Every time I see Mary,
     Joseph and Jesus
     in the nativity
My heart is filled with
     wonder and I fall
     down to my knees.
When I hear of the wise men,
     shepherds and a
     manger-stable bed.
I know a cross and crown
     of thorns is where
     God’s Son was led.
Although this happened
     long ago in a far-off
     distant land
It doesn’t change that Jesus
     is Son of God
     and Son of man.
This is what brings
such joy to this
Holy time of year
when we celebrate Christ’s
     birth and we spread
     love, hope, and cheer.
This is a time of miracles
     and magic and the
     chance to share God’s love.
A chance to give to those
     nearby who don’t have
     as much as us.
This is the time to visit
     Santa Claus and to
     sit upon his knee,
to watch the children’s
     faces as they light up
     with joyous glee.
This is the time to get
     together with our
     family and friends,
the time to forgive each
     other and let our feuds
     and fights all end.
Yes, at this special time
     of year as we celebrate
     Christ’s birth, I pause,
For you see, I still believe
     in miracles and magic,
     God and Santa Claus.


Until next time, my Friends, follow your dreams

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Poem ~ My Praises Are His

       ~by~ T. Raceine York

Two arms are the
  necklace that I wear.
A kiss is my wine
  instead of a tear.
Joy is my mantle.
  Love is my cloak.
Sorrow and heartache
  a musical note.
Peace is my shelter.
  Contentment my goal
as God watches o’er me
  and nurtures my soul.
Hope, love, and peace
  are God’s gift to give.
Not always easy,
  this life that I live.
God is my Master,
  my Sovereign, my Lord.
Forever His Promise,
  Heaven my reward.
One day before Him
  I’ll humbly bow down
to worship my God
  and accept heaven’s crown.
Each day that I live
  A sweet gift to Him.
I hope He finds praises
  and blessings in them.

Until next time, my Friends, follow your dreams


My lovely daughter gave me these
beautiful roses on my birthday.

~by ~ T. Raceine York

When you have no identity;
When you don’t know who you are;
When your name is a battleground
it leaves long-lasting scars.
When outsiders argue constantly
about how to pronounce your name
it cracks your soul a little more,
but when family does the same ---
it breaks your heart and angers you.
It makes you doubt your worth.
It makes you question who you are.
It makes you regret your birth.
But there is One who never questions;
He knows exactly who you are.
You are His beloved son or daughter.
You are the treasure of His heart.
He has called you by your name;
the name He gave to you.
So when you doubt who you are
remember, He knows you through and through.
He knew you before time began.
He knew you before you were formed.
He wove you in the innermost parts.
He knew you before you were born.
While others may argue and disagree
about your names’ pronunciation
God is calling you by your name.
You are His dearly loved creation.


Until next time, my Friends, follow your dreams