Thursday, August 29, 2013

Love Letter To Heaven

Saying good-bye isn't easy.  Living without him is even harder.  Twenty-Seven years ago tonight I was getting ready to marry a very special man.  He wasn't a perfect man just like I am not a perfect woman.  But we were perfect for each other. That is what is important to me. Honestly, I didn't see how perfect we were together until he was gone. Every day since the night he passed away I have seen how special we were as a team, a couple, parents, man and wife. I thank God for the years He gave us. I'm thankful to God for the three amazing children that He blessed us with. It wasn't easy. By luck or by God's design, we were making it work. 

God blessed us with three years to get to know each other and 25 and 1/2 years of marriage. They weren't always easy. They went entirely too fast. But they were filled with love, passion for each other, for our children, and for life.  For that, I am so grateful. (Our children would disagree, but we never fought, I say we simply had passionate disagreements.)

This is one of the early poems I wrote to and for the man who captured my heart and made me his wife.  Below that is a letter I wrote to him. Things I would tell him if he was still here. 
                YOUR LOVE
                       ~by~ T. Raceine York
          My heart is full
             of joy and love.
          My soul is free
             as a soaring dove.
          My mind is filled
             with amazed delight
          At how we two
             feel just right.
          My spirits are high
             with childlike glee
          Just from the knowledge
             that you love me.

      I pray this letter wings it's way to Heaven and to you, Robert.
Dear Robert,
     I miss you more than I can express. I wish you were still here more than you could ever have imagined. I am glad God gave you to me for the short years we had together. I pray our children will be loved as well, but maybe not disagree so passionately, or so often. I am sorry for all of the times I hurt you and didn't know and those times I should have apologized but never did. If you are reading this up in heaven I just want to say, I had been meaning to tell you how handsome I always thought you were. I kept waiting because I figured your head was big enough. I want you to know I always told my family and friends behind your back. They just laughed. I know you would have too. I had been planning to tell you for a week; before I could, you were gone. You were a wonderful husband and I was always proud to have you by my side.

     I wish you a blessed and Happy Anniversary, even though I know you are happy and joyful in heaven. For there is no more sorrow; no more tears there.  I love you and I always will. You will never be forgotten because you are still a taproot in my heart that will never be torn out.  I miss you with all that I am. I cannot wait until we meet again in heaven and I can gaze upon your dear face.
                                                                          Your Loving Wife,
                                                                                ~ trhy ~

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Next Step - The First POEM

This blog is an incredible opportunity for me to share my poetry and writing with (others) you.  I have invited you to come along on a journey of discovery and creativity. Part of this blog is about discovering who I am after almost 30 years with my late husband and suddenly finding myself alone and hurting after losing him out of the blue last year. It took over a year after his burial to come out of the shock and begin to feel life again. To think again. To read again. To write again. I made myself get out of bed and function so I thought I was doing great. It wasn't until the unbearable pain I faced on the anniversary of  his death and a few months passed that I began to actually live again, not just function. So this blog is about discovering who I am without my husband, love and mate.

Another part of my blog is facing aging with grace and humor. I am 53 years old. That number does not bother me as it does some women. This is because God brought me through a childhood of violence, abuse, and the knowledge of not being loved or protected by those who are supposed to love and protect their children to reach this amazing beginning of life. Living to be this age is a miracle and a blessing to me. I must say the years don't bother me; what bothers me is the fact my body has decided to, not only, quit, hiccup, and give me problems, but to change. What was firm is soft. What could be counted on has become dysfunctional. What was headed north is now headed south. (Now I do have a humorous poem on that, but not today.) Growing up in an age where you didn't talk about anything, I have been absolutely shocked to feel and see how my body is changing and not necessarily for the more positive. This part of aging is an education and a revelation to me. I don't want to be grumpy and dopey now. I would rather be happy and joyful and full of grace.

I am in a learning curve and excited to see where this journey will take me. Do I blog Monday through Friday or every other day? Will I share a thought once, or twice a week? Will I share a poem once, or twice, a week? How will this blog play out? Will I find my rhythm, my pattern, my niche'? I won't fail because I am not going to give up. This is a road on my journey to being a published and successful author.  I can't wait to see what happens. I hope you will go on this journey of discovery with me.

       Resting in God's
       Peaceful Haven
The day has been fraught
   with tension and stress.
My body is weary.
   My mind is a mess.
I feel worn out and
   weak in the knees.
My heart seeks quiet.
   My soul seeks peace.
I settle myself in a
   comfortable chair.
Bowing my head I
   seek God in prayer.
I have no petition, no
   concern or request.
I ask only He touch me
   with Christ's gentleness.
I invite the Holy Spirit
   to reign down on me
To renew my spirit and
   grant me God's peace.
I invite Jesus in to
   share this time.
I rest in His presence
   and drink of His wine.
I have been emptied by
   the stress of the day
But God gives me strength
   as I quietly pray.
With compassion and grace
   God fills my cup.
He touches my soul
   and fills me with love.
In this precious moment
   I sit at God's throne.
Resting in His arms.
   I don't walk alone.
When my cup has been filled
   and my spirit revived;
When I feel renewed,
   refreshed and alive;
When I am relaxed and
   at peace once again
And God's Holy Spirit
   has soothed from within,
Then I give thanks
   to God up above
for His forgiveness,
   compassion, and love.

Monday, August 26, 2013

It's Right to Write

I ask myself, "Okay! You've started a blog. Now what?"

Myself says, "Now, you find your voice. You find out if you have anything to say that will brighten someone's day or help them in any way." (No rhyme intended.)  "You find out, Self, if your love of words and weaving them into poems, thoughts, and stories will reach hearts, minds, and souls. Out of all of the amazingly talented men and women out there, can you possibly be one of them. Do you, Self, indeed have the gift you believe God has given you?"

Only time will answer that question.

The facts for now are these: I love to write! I love everything about writing. I love the feel of pen or pencil gripped between my fingers as my hand slides across cool, smooth paper. I delight in the rainbow colors that spread across my journal as I put down my days thoughts, actions, and feelings. I love the feel of the typewriter, now the laptop or tablet, as I tap-tap-tap the letters on the keys making words. Words become sentences. Sentences become paragraphs, until eventually a poem or story begin to emerge. Sometimes, I even enchant myself with my words; until later when I begin to wonder what others may think. (Self-doubt, this writers curse.)

A blank sheet of paper, screen, or my journal become the venue where I pour out my heart and soul as my vision is transferred from my head through my fingers to the canvas before me.  A thought becomes an idea, a poem, a story.

As I create with my mind, my heart pounds with excited anticipation, my mind reverberates with joy, my soul sings. I feel alive and energized as my mind soars free and my fingers capture the visions, scenes, and thoughts in my head. If you could bottle the electric pulses running through my veins as I let my mind take control and my fingers obey what it is telling me, you could power the world.

Until next time, my Friends, follow your dreams.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Welcome to Blog What May

I have been blessed with a heart and mind full of love and wonder. I love God, my family, friends, strangers and this incredible world. I also have a love of words and using them to paint pictures with. The extrovert me has convinced the introvert me that having a blog is an excellent way to share all of those bottled up words in my head with an unsuspecting world.

I was blessed for nearly 30 years to love, fuss, feud, fight, and laugh with an incredible man, Robert "Bob" York. He was truly the love of my life. We made each other’s lives heaven and hell. We were married for 25 and a half years and were finally settling in for the long haul. Sadly, his life ended way too early and he is no longer with us. I miss him with all of my heart and I thank God for the years that He gave us with each other.

We were blessed with three incredibly amazing children. Heather, my favorite oldest, who is an accountant and bookkeeper, solidified my absolute knowledge that God is real the moment she was born and I felt God’s Holy Presence in the room. Rachel, my favorite middle child, is a nurse with her eye on going far in the nursing world. She was a miracle from God when He prevented me from losing her in my early months. And then there is Jason, my favorite son, who is the youngest and still discovering how he is going to shake up, I mean impress, the world. When he was born God not only showed me I could love a son as well as two daughters, but that miracles do happen when he was early and we didn’t know if he would make it. That is, until he entered the world screaming his lungs out; I believe that he was screaming even before he left the womb. They are all three Treasures from God that I would not change for the world. There Dad and I are so proud of them we could burst. Sometimes we burst a blood vessel, or popped a vein, but we have been blessed with three wonderful children.

I live with three wild and precocious "lapdogs" that helped hold my world together when our world exploded a year and a half ago when Robert passed away. Those two "not-so-little" Boxers and one, dare I say, solid English Mastiff believe they can fit in our laps and won’t believe us when we say they won’t. I also have one very gabby male cat who never shuts up and could make Saint Peter want to remove his vocal chords. I have to admit, he has made me swear more than once or twice. God forgive me. I love them all. (God forgive me for swearing, not for loving my furry four-legged critters.)

I love God and believe He has given me a gift of writing; well that was until I read my writing group (the Bartlesville WordWeavers) gifted words; then I began to wonder about my writing gift; but that hasn’t stopped me from playing with words, sentences, paragraphs, etc. If you are a writer, you know there is not much that can stop you from putting words on paper. . . or computer; thoughts that nag…nag…nag you, until you give in and write them down.

So now, dear unsuspecting world . . .

Welcome to Blog What May.
A blog that will be different from day to day.
A poem here. A thought there.
Maybe a story, if I dare.
Take a look through my wondering eyes.
You may find yourself surprised.
You may meet someone new,
Someone that interests you .
You never know what you might find.
A pretty picture. A place to dine.
A ray of hope. A thought to ponder.
A sunny smile. A world of wonder.
Step away from your world of strife
And enjoy these Tiny Treasures of Life.